Loneliness and the Lies that Linger

I was having one of those days.

I’m sure you’ve experienced it too – those days where your feelings seem bigger than the facts. A day where you dwell on the negative aspects of your life and as you wallow in self-pity, you spiral further and further downward into hopelessness. It’s those ‘types of days’ where someone might mention that you woke up on the wrong side of the bed and that’s to put it nicely.

It was one of those days where loneliness hit me out of nowhere. As I attempt to go back and think through how it started… I cannot. It was most likely an arrow the enemy shot at me to take me down. Instead of being on guard and holding my shield up, I let it hit me. As a result, I walked around wounded and began focusing on and magnifying the issue.

Here’s one fact that I know and I know quite well: I AM NEVER ALONE.

Jesus spoke His followers after His crucifixion specifically about the great commission – the work that we are supposed to do as His disciples. It’s after this instruction – the very last verse in the book of Matthew – that He says, And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20). Have you ever thought about the reason why Jesus would say this after such a great command?

I believe Jesus said this because we need to be reminded of it… constantly. The idea that ‘we are alone’, although God says differently, is one of the many lies that linger. You see, God knew that in order to do His will that we will go through trials. We will have fear. We will experience heartache and difficulty. Hence the reason why we need the presence of God even more in our life. In order to represent Him and to represent Him well, we have to consciously know that God is with us and that we are not alone as we try to figure out how to do the life He has called us to live.

Yet it’s not easy, is it? Loneliness can creep in when we least expect it and stay around longer than we ever wanted it to. It can happen anywhere at any time. Have you ever been in a crowd and felt alone? I have. I realize that it’s not about being around people or socializing more, but it’s something greater than that. It’s a prayer that I have for myself and for you if you understand what I am talking about.

It’s the idea of feeling known. Where someone knows me for who I truly am.

To get a better understanding of what I’m talking about, let me explain. I am blessed to have a wife who does know me, who loves me deeply and cares about me, even through these odd feelings. She helps me process through them and gives me encouragement, which I am so grateful for.

Yet I believe the aspect of loneliness and feeling known goes beyond this. Can you feel lonely even if you’re married? Yes.

The desire of feeling known is having a group of guys who share the same interests as me. Seeking God as a first priority – leaning into the prophetic gifts, having a vision for what God wants to do that is greater than ourselves, and sharing victories with each other.  I see it as a brotherhood of sorts.

Since this is not my reality, this is where the enemy comes in. I find that He so easily reminds us of barriers to what we want and twists things that are half-truths or not true at all. Think about how he does this for you in the area that you are struggling with. For me, it looks like this:

  • “Well, you’re a Pastor so there’s no one that you can be vulnerable with because that will undermine your position or influence.”
  • “Most guys watch their favorite sports team or love cars… this can be all that they talk about! Since you are not interested in those things, you’re not able to relate to them and they cannot be those friends you’re looking for.”  
  • “No one cares but they expect you to care for them… it’s your job.”

Surely this list can go in more destructive details, but you get the picture. I wanted to be vulnerable and give a glimpse of what I go through because you might be going through the same thing. You could also go through something different, but those mistruths and lies are still there, since Satan wants to distract you and dissuade you from the truth of who you are in Christ.

So where do I go from here? I’m so glad you asked because this is for you too!

  • Pray – the concerns and the issues we struggle with need to go to God first. We may know this in our brain, but is this the reality of our life? We can cast all our anxieties and burdens on Jesus… He can take it! (1 Peter 5:7) Furthermore, He wants us to because it demonstrates that we trust Him enough to do something about it. He cares but He’s waiting for us to ask.
  • Act what action can I do, even if the prayer isn’t fully answered? This can be stepping out in faith or simply being faithful with what you have. In terms of loneliness, are you seeking out friendships? Or are you wondering why you are lonely but you haven’t reached out? It’s not enough to expect God to put anything in our laps regarding prayer for anything. In the words of James from his epistle in 2:17, “In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” I couldn’t have said it better myself!
  • ThankWe are to be grateful for what we currently have and what God is continuing to do in our lives! Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18- “Rejoice always,  pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” To give thanks in all circumstances means through the depressive moments and in the times that we don’t feel like it. I’ve recently talked about the perspective thankfulness has in our Christian walk last week (Attitute of Gratitude), and it’s applicable to what we are mentioning here. I am grateful that I have a wife and a family who loves me. I am thankful that I have opportunities to build relationships on various levels. I remember that God is with me. By focusing on what we do have, it keeps our eyes upward, on God, rather than spiraling downward on what we do not have, bringing the negative focus back on ourselves.

Jesus said that, “in this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” This is so that He can give us peace about whatever we are facing (John 16:33). Whether you are dealing with bouts of loneliness or something else, I’d encourage you to walk through these 3 steps when it hits and press through it. Don’t give the enemy the satisfaction by believing the lies… “… greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world!” (1 John 4:4). May you live out the victory Jesus paid for as you walk in the Spirit knowing that you are not alone and that God is with you… even to the end of the age!

Have a blessed week!


  1. Loneliness is a tough one. I normally don’t feel lonely, but I can relate to being lonely in a crowd. There is so much going on around you that you can feel beside yourself, unable to relate, uneasy and insecure. Some people can thrive in large crowdes, however as a Christian I feel that is where God says don’t be of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. The world is full of lust, gread, immortality and selfishness. God warns us that this is satans kingdom, hence that is where the uneasiness and uncertainty comes in. If we can still our minds, in these situations, and let the dust settle we can see clearly. This is our opportunity to thank, act and pray. To be greatful that God has more instore for us than what the world has to offer. There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely at times because it is in that loneliness that we can be filled with the presents of God.

  2. Loneliness is an opportunity to draw me to the Father. Any problem, or trial, or bad feeling is a chance for me to run to Him. I don’t always run to God at first. Sometimes I wallow a bit. Then the Holy Spirit reminds me of the truth. I hate hard times but they can be quite fruitful. We are never alone, no matter what we feel. Praise God for that! Thanks Nathan.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *